Lonely

It sucks being alone.

I try to keep busy with art and knitting, but its still lonely. I'm alone 24/7 unless I go out shopping, which isn't often. Haven't had friends in 30 yrs, been single for 4 yrs or so, kids are too busy or not in town...my mother is no help.

I'm trying to make days worth something even though I really don't want to get out of bed because of the pain, besides being alone. I am fixing my websites, making more things and am going to get into doing resin art. I really need someone to love me, hold me.

Its hard to meet people when I cant get out much, I get judged even from those I attempt to be friends with because of my illness, let alone potential mates. I even get judged from those with my same illness because there are varying degrees of severity of the pain levels. So someone with lower pain levels think that we are all on that level and think those of us with higher levels are exaggerating or haven't tried the right medication, well I've tried them and nothing works.

On days and nights that my pain is crazy it would be nice to have someone to hold.

The other night I woke early feeling like I was having a heart attack...if I had died noone would know for weeks because zero people care or check on me..nice huh.(just like noone reads this)